I've tried to be a nice person, I've tried to be compassionate, but I simply cannot stand B!
B is an English teacher who has had several nervous breakdowns over the years. The most recent one was about a year ago, while he was my supervisor. He stayed at home for about 10 months. 2 months ago he returned to school for "rehabilitation". He teaches no classes, he does NOTHING, he sits beside me.
My list of grievances:
**RIGHT NOW he is eating. When he eats he does it in supersonic speed. A bunwich is gone in less than 3 seconds. While chomping away he breathes really heavily. He takes a big bite, chews twice *his mouth is still full, he has not swallowed anything* and then he takes another huge ass bite. It makes me want to vomit. The worst part is that he always buys 2 bunwiches and he always eats them right after each other, in less than 10 seconds. And this is before 10am. Then I have to listen to him eat his lunch at noon!
**He is a chain smoker. Having NO classes and NOTHING to do means he can take 10 smoke breaks a day. I'm not even exaggerating. Lucky for me, the smoke room is way on the other side of the school, so it gets him out of my sight for 10 minutes at a time, 10 times a day. The nasty ass part is that when he returns he STINKS like the bottom of an ashtray. He always puts in a fresh piece of gum *thank god* but all that does is make the smoke smell slightly minty. He has ruined that gum for me. I can't buy it. I can't enjoy the minty goodness, it will always remind me of smoke.
**He is really short and the most stubby person I have ever seen. But that really isn't a complaint, it's just me being petty.
**Yesterday was a day of exams. So nobody had classes but most teachers were really busy with grading. He says to me,"Do you not have papers to grade?" Knowing full well that I did not give a test. I give oral tests you jackass. Remember? Back when you were an actual teacher? We taught OC together?? Anyway, back on topic...being the kind-hearted person that I am, I replied with, "No, how about you? Do you have papers to grade?" Of course, I know he has no papers to grade, that would require having classes to teach. Or it would require one of the other English teachers actually giving him work to do. (They don't, because he is too "fragile"). Anyway, so he laughs at me and says,"No". Yeah, that's right fucker, we both have nothing to do today so why bring it up?
**JESUS CHRIST there is a third bunwich thing. He just brought it out...now it's gone. The smell is going to make me vomit. Corn and ketchup and some diseased piece of hot dog wannabe. Kill me.
**He bought an Ipod and listens to it sometimes at work. I want an Ipod, fucker.
**He reads the Daily Yomuri like his life depends on it. The other teachers are working their asses off and he sits there reading the paper for at least an hour everyday. I guess it's acceptable when you have NOTHING to do and teach NO CLASSES. At least make it look like you are working, that's what I do.
**He's fucking annoying when he's drunk at enkais. He insists on talking to me about Japanese politics. I don't give a shit about Koizumi or postal privatization and I really don't want to smell your beer/mintysmoke/wasabi combo breath.
**He leaves in the middle of the day sometimes. I guess doing NOTHING all day can be tiring and he needs to go home because he's "fragile".
**He was supposed to start teaching again this month. He's not ready, apparently. So now he is supposed to start teaching in December. He won't be ready. The shitty thing is, the teacher who they hired to replace him is excellent and she is working month to month not knowing if she will have a job next week. She has been offered better jobs but she stays here because the principal has "asked her to". She stays even though she could be let go at any time. The reality is that B most likely won't teach at all this year. Maybe he will start again when the new school year begins in April. But he will still come in everyday, for "rehabilitation".
**I would understand this "rehabilitation" bullshit if he were actually doing something. Perhaps he can go to some classes and observe. Or team-team with some teachers, to get the hang of it again. Maybe he could create lessons? Anything is better than sitting at your desk all day while everyone around you (including the ALT!) is working. I think it's soul-crushing.
**He leaves the sound up on his computer so everytime he pushes "enter" a little noise is made. Not the normal noise you would expect, he has it set to some cutesy little animal noise. NO ONE wants to hear that shit. Every chance I get, I reach over and turn the volume down. The next day he figures it out and turns it up again.
**The green felt and plastic sheet that covers the top of his desk (do you understand what I mean?) is always in disarray. Like it is never fully on his desk. I straighten it out when he is on his smoke breaks. But then he comes back, pushes on it, and it moves around again. If he had some books or other weight on it, it wouldn't move. But I guess that would require having classes that require textbooks, or students who hand in notebooks.
**He sweats. A LOT. It's October, I'm sitting here with a fleece jacket on and he is sweating profusely. I think it's the 2 minute walk to the smoke room that does it to him. So he has this giant orange sweat towel that he keeps on his desk. Most people keep a small, neatly folded towel in their pocket, or in their desk. Not B. He leaves it in a messy pile and when he wipes his face with it he looks like a stubby sumo wrestler, right before he is about to fight. Nasty. Worst part: he doesn't take it home and clean it. It's always the same sweat towel. Ewwwwwwwww!
**During an English camp a few years ago he was late. He was supposed to pick up another teacher (don't get me started on that tool. Buy a fucking car, you're 30 years old!) from the station but didn't show up. He eventually arrived and then felt the *need* to tell me the reason he was late was that he had diarrhea! JESUS MAN I don't want to know about that! I was so disgusted that I couldn't look him in the face for the rest of the camp.
Well I think that's enough for now.
*I may post photos so you can SEE what I'm bitching about.*
I feel much better.